On November 12, 2020, New York Pediatrician Kelly Fradin, M.D., gave a virtual presentation to over 2,000 health care professionals throughout the country on “Helping Kids and Parents Cope with Stress in Pandemic Times and Beyond.”
According to Dr. Fradin, we are currently living in a different world– these are not normal times. People who were doing well before the pandemic are now struggling. She sees kids with somatic complaints such as headache, tummy ache, tiredness, etc., which are stress-related due to the current situation. Parents are expressing guilt and disappointment because their children aren’t getting the experiences that they expected and can’t do all they want to do.
Many parents are trying to balance working from home with homeschooling their children. They are feeling overwhelmed, inadequate, out of control and unable to predict what is coming next. All of this is resulting in parent burnout and guilt, along with grief and loss.
Dr. Fradin stated that these are normal reactions to the current pandemic. She suggested that we need to lower expectations for ourselves and others right now, and try not to have unrealistic expectations. It is helpful to be able to rely on our routines—to have some structure to the day. She advised parents to select their priorities on which to focus and to let go of things that are difficult but not as beneficial.
To help reduce stress in kids, parents could use meditation, breathing exercises and especially encourage play in the fresh air. For those who are doing their school work online and spending a lot of time on the screen, she suggested that parents invoke the 20-20-20 rule. This means every 20 minutes, kids should look away from the screen to a distance of at least 20 feet, for at least 20 seconds.
Regarding the wearing of masks, parents can help children see that this is a protective measure which can help keep them and others safe. Reassure them, however, that even if they get sick, it will be okay. This is not lying to kids because most children will do well.
The pandemic raises the need to weigh our risks regarding visits with others: whether the desire to visit friends, family and loved ones outweighs the risk of spreading the virus to them or taking it home to others. Certainly if there are high risk people in the group (those age 65-plus or with conditions such as heart disease, etc.), this is not a risk one should take.
Dr. Fradin stressed the importance of being honest with our children and ourselves and recognizing the difficulties we are all facing. Most of all, she emphasized the importance of listening to our kids. Do more listening than talking. Listen and acknowledge their worries. Let them know, however, that even though the times are different and frightening, it won’t always be like this. The time will come when we will be able to be together again. The pandemic will
eventually end and things will get better.
Until that time, however, it is very important to take care of and to be kind to ourselves. Reach out to friends and colleagues for emotional support. Get professional help if needed. People react to the pandemic in different ways, so check in with family and friends who may be needing help.
And remember: we are all in this big storm together. And it will end.
(webinar summary by Alexandra Taylor, LPC)
*may not be suitable for all audiences
Thoughts of Gratitude
Even after a year like 2020, we really do have so much to be thankful for. I welcome you to consider what might make you grateful. This year I am thankful that light shines through darkness. I am thankful for smiles on faces of those who believe in a future we can all share. This year, walking through the smoke of uncertainty, past precious memories still packed by the front door, With some losing everything, I am grateful to realize what is most important in my life, and let the rest fall away.
I am grateful to begin to learn to listen to the voice inside, my own message. I am grateful that this year, and for an eternity, we marched forward, towards truth, recording horror after horror, we watched, we learned, we saw, finally connecting, that our brothers and sisters are being murdered by racism and ignorance. I am only thankful that we are all coming closer to seeing the truth.
Truth, what is truth to those successfully disguised as someone else's expectation? Fear? Regret? Evil still spitting its 'obvious' fake news in our faces as Our jaws drop in disbelief, disinformation spreading, like a black oil rushing into the minds, the hearts, the souls, of even our own family members, devouring any remains of reality or empathy, like a cancer.
The tireless war against ego, against those who can't love anyone, especially themselves, is not over, and we must continue the fight. Our momentum is great, and we have the power to help these many men and women, to unlock the cage down deep within their dysfunctional lives, where some may wait suffocating and fearful of others' rejection. In learning the power of believing in themselves, instead of relying on $omeone else to make them feel whole, maybe even the haters could eventually evolve past the hate.
Worked and worn, with unconditional love in our hearts, we arrived Shining
to a new generation of mutual respect, acceptance, caring.
Standing together, let's build a future with the strength of many who know the power of LOVE.
I am thankful.
I am grateful for my parents being locked safe inside their home, though too far away to visit. I am thankful for my brother Jon, who is caring for the sick, taking risks, and isolating alone. I am so incredibly grateful to all my children, for they are my amazing teachers, the future, and life itself. I am lucky and forever grateful to share this unique and special life together, with my husband, my love, my friend. I am thankful for our three kitties, and the wonderful hours spent together on this little blue marble we call Earth.
I am thankful for many timeless friendships old and new,
I am thankful for dance, for all dancers, for the love of movement, and
I am grateful for a tiny part of the universe's creativity taking a chance on us.
Happy Thanksgiving 2020!
~Kate Bryant Whitfield Hart